February 2010

This month tested me. It tested me emotionally,physically and Spiritually,The pain is not yet gone but I know for my dear friends a healing process has started. My friends of 15 years lost their sweet baby girl just before she was born. I still am at a loss for words as to how that could happen, or why. In the last several months I have begun to question my own faith and lack there of. I have begun a search to find God for myself and my children in a way that makes sense to me. I have to say this has shook me to my core and I just ask why?... why do things like this happen? Why them? Why her? I just don't know. But I do know that through this situation I have grown a deeper appreciation for life. And the fact that I have three beautiful children that made it to this world, to my arms safe is such a blessing and a miracle.Life itself is a miracle. Death is only a breath away. It both scares me to death and makes me so thankful all at the same time.The last two weeks have been consumed by this event and I still wish there was more that I could do for her, and them. She has amazed me with her strength. She smiles, and goes on, not for herself, but for her four year old son.Through her darkest moment she is still his rock. What a wonderful mother.

My three Babies are doing well. Austin has been doing very well in school. The teacher says she still can't get him to smile at her. He is so serious! He has a maturity beyond his 6 years. This isn't always a good thing but it does produce a very well behaved young man. Well, at least at school anyway... Austin has been spending a lot more time riding the motorcycle lately which I know thrills his Dad to death. Does it scare me? YES! But I can't stop it! It is in his blood. Today Dad said he was going very fast around the track. He showed me a video on his phone and I was even surprised at the speed and confidence he is gaining. Chase said it won't be long and we will HAVE to take the training wheels off the bike or they will become more of a danger than a help. This has been really good for Austin because so many things come so naturally to him. He really had to work at this one. He had to overcome the fear first of all, then slowly gain skills and confidence. I think it has been good for him to realize that you can't always do something right away, and you are not always the best at something you try.
Ellie had a terrible experience this month when she got her ears pierced. She was so brave. No tears or anything. But the man did it very crooked and she ended up leaving with no earrings. I was so disappointed for her! We are trying to bribe her to try again, but she is scared now. I don't really care either way if she has pierced ears or not, it just makes me so angry that she went through all that and has nothing to show for it. Poor girl. On a positive note, she did have her first "official" haircut at the "beauty shop.". They cut off all the dead ends that mommy was holding onto. It was about 3 inches and they shaped it nicely around her face. Its amazing how a haircut can all of a sudden make your child look older. The first morning after the cut, she didn't want me to brush her hair because she thought it would "make it long again!"
And lastly my sweet baby Jax. He is such a little Mommas boy! I don't think a single person could ever look at his grin and not smile. He defiantly lights up the world He is crawling well now. I am happy to see him reach this mobility milestone but it is harder to get things done with a little guy crawling after you. Jax was sick again at the beginning of the month with very high temps that turned out to be a Strep infection. Other than that he has had a great month! He says "da-da" and knows what it means, and says"Hi". I am not the only one who has heard it and he does it while waving so I am sure on this one. His bottom two teeth are almost completely in and so far my fear of nursing a baby with teeth has been unnecessary.

Here is to hoping that March will be a much more pleasant time in our lives!!!